MVCN Magazine by and for CaregiversFall 2015
By Dakari Wilcox
On a beautiful summer day, the sun was shining and the skies were clear, yet I found myself sitting in a dark room staring at a blank television wondering how my life got turned upside down. I felt like a terrible husband, father, and man, because I had no solution to my current situation.
I was trying to find a solution but I didn’t even really know what the problem was. I had recently moved to a new city, leaving me with no immediate support. Nowhere to go! All I knew was that as a man, you never want to go back home once you leave, because that would be irresponsible.
I finally broke down and called a friend and tried to explain my situation: my wife had become someone I didn’t marry. My friend explained that she had had the same feelings a while back with her husband. She told me who I should call for help and information. I made some calls, but at the end of the day, I felt even more lost. I received so much information, but none of it made sense. To me, it just seemed like I now had problems piled on top of my problems.
The next morning I received a call from a caseworker, who referred me to another caseworker, who then referred me to another caseworker, and on and on the cycle went. I was at my wits’ end. By the grace of God, one of my wife’s battle buddies called to check on her but got me on the phone instead. It was like she could hear the frustration, the pain, and the anger of feeling like a failure in my voice. For hours, I vented, and she listened. She called back the next day; I vented and she listened. It seem like I repeated this cycle for a week– and she never stopped listening. I felt like the weight of the world was being lifted off my shoulders. The more I talked, the better I felt. When she did speak, her words were always encouraging and uplifting.
Eventually, I was introduced to other caregivers. I found out I wasn’t the only person who sometimes felt they were married to two different people–but I didn’t have a real support group. In 2014, I was introduced to the Yellow Ribbon Fund. Through their Family Caregiver Program, I have found so much support and understanding! I now know what it feels like to get a good night’s sleep! Because of support from other caregivers, I know how to deal with stressful situations and how to solve problems.
You can’t strategize for a battle if you don’t know that a war is going on. Without my support group, only God knows where I’d be. I base my whole life on the virtues of Christ. He knew I needed a group– someone to just listen.